Reverence.

It is 4:45 in the morning on a crisp winter day in Portland. I sit here quietly listening to the rhythmic sounds of a child's heartbeat, writing while I am alternating between holding his warm hands in my cool ones and taking little breaks to rest my heart . His ear lobe is lit up with a pulse ox monitor, his pouty lips are clasping various tubes, and his little body is covered in wires and cords. My heart aches for him and the parents that I came here to comfort, still there is little I can do to comfort anyone. Yet his steady cardiac rhythm seems to bring the biggest comfort of all. He is here, and that is by far the largest blessing we could ask for.

In the last 12 hours I've learned a vast amount of stuff about a lot of things. I've learned new medical terms, how strong a sedated 7 year old can be, and I've gained a profound amount of respect for amazing nurses. I think I've finally learned the true meaning of the word reverence: a ridiculously deep respect. All those years sitting in church listening to pastors and priests did absolutely nothing for me, but try sitting in a hospital room at 4:00 in the morning drinking crappy coffee and holding the hand of an unconscious child; that's some serious reverence baby, like you've never known. Thank God that the Starbucks downstairs opens up in just a few hours, this coffee could probably run a Boeing. Luckily I had a warning so I was able to come prepared:

No, you're not seeing things. You should see the looks the nurses gave us, ha ha. But a Momma can only take so much, and there was no way I was letting the fretting momma standing by the bed drink hospital coffee without a little extra sumin'-sumin' in it. Peppermint and whipped cream can fix almost everything, and her heart definitely needed a little of both.

It's amazing how heartache makes a person really cherish what they already have. I want so badly to run home, gather my girls in my arms, and hug them until they can't breathe. Those warm little cheeks make my heart melt on a normal day, I can only imagine what they'd do to me right now. I want nothing more than to kiss them, hold them, hug them, and be so grateful for what I have when they kiss, hug, and hold me back. I hope the momma standing across the room gets to do that very, very soon with her little. I can't even begin to imagine how badly she wants to hold him in her arms and make everything ok. Any prayers that haven't already been said for Louis would be greatly appreciated at this point.We're hoping he gets well very, very soon.

The best girls ever!

I'm off to get a few hours of sleep, I'm well over my 24 hour stipend. I'll keep everyone updated as best I can. Happy Monday.