Goodnight Sweetheart

Well, I'm officially the parent of a six year old and two toddlers. I'm not sure when it happened exactly, I've thought of Sera as a baby for so long and she is so little it's hard to imagine that she's 18 months and is starting to talk. See, every night we get ready for bed like everyone else does. We changes diapers, put on jammies, and head to bed. Loralai climbs up into her bed and curls up under the covers with her teddy while Sera and I sit in the rocking chair and rock until Sera is almost asleep. Sera gets put in her crib and she's asleep within seconds then I have time to cuddle with Loralai before she passes out. The girls get one final kiss and an I love you before I head out the door. It's a pretty flawless routine that usually results in limited tears and they both get some time to cuddle just with mommy, a little time during the day when they don't have to share my lap or my attention.

Tonight was different. We went through our normal routine and headed to the bedroom. Loralai grabbed her teddy and hit the sack and Sera and I took a seat in the rocking chair. But she wasn't too excited about cuddling. She was talking and pointing at things and trying to get down. I finally gave up and just put her in bed. She was asleep before I even walked away.

How is it that even though I see her every day I've managed to miss her getting big?? I look at the other two and I do the same thing. The other night I was downloading a ton of pictures off of an old website that I no longer use and came across some pictures that made me realize just how big my girls are really getting. Kira will be 7 in a little over a month. Seven. It's a scary word. We're officially one year closer to boy drama and high school graduation. I mean, how did Mei go from this:

To this:

(ignore the date on the picture, it's wrong)

I guess my point is that I get so caught up in life, that I miss life. I'm sure Sera will want to cuddle again tomorrow night, but she might not. Loralai eventually got to the point where she just didn't want to cuddle very much anymore. I know many moms out there who can sympathize with their kids growing up too fast. I've heard the stories about how time flies when you have kids, I guess I just didn't think it flew by this fast. It seems like just yesterday I was checking into the hospital, and I can still remember so much about each and every single one of them on the day they arrived. Kira's dark skin and how she looked so much like Kris from the moment she was born. Loralai and her super pale almost translucent complexion and how she snuggled right up to me like she knew she was mine. Seraphina had a mop of black hair and the best lungs on the floor, even the nurses complimented how powerful she was.

As a mother these are the memories I hold on to when the girls decide that a 20 pound bag of cat food needed to go all over the hallway floor. I try not to dwell on the fact that I puked more than I pushed the first hour with Loralai, or that the doctors were so worried about my hips dislocating with Sera that they were taking x-rays during labor. I choose to remember this most:

 Little Loralai and how I couldn't wait to hold her and kiss her. I'd been waiting for her for so long, I could hardly even believe she was finally really there.

Seraphina and her fat little cheeks. Those things could put the Pillsbury dough boy to shame.

The way Kira always wanted to be up and looking around. The kid never was content sitting in one spot for more than ten seconds.

I know that the adoration and the emotion that goes along with motherhood doesn't make much sense to the people I know that don't have kids but, for me at least, Bruno Mars had it right when he said, "I would catch a grenade for you, throw my hand on a blade for you, I'd jump in front of a train for you. I would do anything for you." I know the context is all wrong, that song is really totally different than the love for children, but the lyrics are still right. There is nothing in this world I wouldn't do for those girls. It's a devotion that can not ever be denied. And their sweet little kisses at the end of the night, regardless of time spent cuddling, makes every single kibble of cat food worth it.