Old.

Remember when you were little and you thought 20 was ancient? Then 15 hit and 21 sounded like the best age ever. Soon 21 came and went and 30 was just a few years away. It's a process we can't stop, yet so many of us try to reverse it as much as humanly possible. As I sit here analyzing where I am and where I'm going, I realize that 40 is just a little hop away. Before I know it my children will grow up and move away from home. I will no longer be able to tell them that they can't have candy for breakfast, or that Cookie Crisp is not a nutritionally adequate choice for dinner. Soon I will be a grandmother bouncing babies on my knees again, and through every second of it I will be content. Perhaps I will be more than content. Old doesn't seem as daunting these days as it used to, and it's nice to know that I'm no longer afraid of getting old. Don't get me wrong I'm certainly not looking forward to dentures or depends, but I'm certainly not dreading it like I use to.Old can be beautiful too, just differently.

I am quickly learning that old does not mean frail and decrepit, old can easily translate to lithe and tenacious. It can be both glamorous and daunting, but in no way does it mean that you are incapable or dependent.

Driving through Washington yesterday "old" was really put into perspective.There were so many gorgeous ancient buildings that still stood firm and proud against the afternoon sky. There are so many things to look forward to in aging: wisdom, security, strength, grandchildren. I use to be scared to grow old, now it's something I look forward to with a fervor. Growing old with someone has been a dream of mine for years. I want those matching wooden rocking chairs on a front porch, the kisses that mean more than they did 40 years ago, knowing the smell of a persons cologne from 20 feet away because it's been around so long. I want to know instinctively who's hand is on my shoulder without looking because I've felt that touch for so long. And, eventually, I want to miss someone so terribly I can feel my heart breaking if they pass before I do. I don't want the pain, I simply want the knowledge that I've loved another being that much (besides my littles, cause Lord knows my heart shatters just thinking about that).

I hope that one day my littles learn to appreciate life and love for what it truly is, and learn that you can not take anything for granted. Cherish everyday you have, exalt in every single achievement,and embrace every opportunity you have. Life is unstoppable, you cannot simply choose to pause time or literally re-live a certain moment over and over again whenever you so choose. I hope they relish every moment they have and learn to treasure the moments that have passed. By the time they get to be my age they will likely have all kinds of new gadgets to remember events and new ways to cherish memories, but they can never duplicate the emotion that memories and events bring. So for tonight I will leave you with a memory that I will cherish forever. I will keep it stored away somewhere and someday I will look back on it with a smile on my face and the knowledge that my littles will hopefully love life as much as I do.

Judgement Day.

So, my question of the day is: have you guys been following this crazy news about the end of the world? Apparently it was supposed to be today. Or maybe it was supposed to be December 31, 1999. Perhaps the end of the world will come on December 21, 2012. Either way it's the end of the world, as we know it anyhow. For a specific religious group today was supposed to be the end of the world as we all knew it, but for me Judgement Day happens tomorrow. A few weeks ago I talked about how all of the sudden I have two toddlers, well tonight it became apparent that it's time for my littlest toddler to get out on her own. Ya know, grow her wings and learn how to fly? Tomorrow Seraphina will be learning how to fly solo in a toddler bed; and I'm not really sure how I feel about that.

Let me back up a few steps. I took Kira to spend the night at Nana and Papa's house for the night, because she LOVES spending the night at Nana's house. Nana's house has the allure of chocolate donut holes for breakfast and a chance at satellite TV (two things we don't really have around here). While I was gone Kris performed the usual nightly ritual and put the babies in bed. I got home around 8:15 and was doing some couponing when all of a sudden: THUD! followed quickly by the kind of scream that sends a mothers heart to the moon. I walked in to find Seraphina laying on the floor screaming her little lungs out. Tears were streaming down her cheeks and her pouty face was enough to break even the hardest persons heart. Needless to say the decision was made right then that it's time to put her in a toddler bed.

How did this little person grow up so fast? I know I've said it before but I can not impress upon you how quickly it has flown by. It seems like yesterday she was this:

Now all of the sudden she's turned into this:

 

 I have three amazing little girls that are growing up before my eyes, but for some reason she is the one who seems to put it all into perspective. Her growth and development into a little girl seems to hit me so much harder than the other two. I look at her every day and I miss my baby. The baby that wouldn't go to sleep unless she was snuggled up against my chest every night. The baby that taught me patience like no child ever could have before her. I remember the nights where she screamed until it seemed like she would die from oxygen deprivation and the days when she would spend hours testing every ounce of poise I had in my body. Now she's become the light at the end of the tunnel; a sweet smile I can't wait to experience. Her laugh is like none I've ever heard, infectious and delightful. I hate to think what my days would be like without her; without any of them. I can't even begin to imagine how empty and desolate it would all be without them. Growing up I didn't want children. I wasn't that person who couldn't wait to settle down and raise children, I had plans and a future. How naive. 

On another note, our little Loralai has an appointment in a few weeks with a speech therapist. I hemmed and hawed about calling anyone about her lack of communication. Children progress at such different rates and I have heard that it's not uncommon for twins to lack communication for longer times because they develop their own form. Their doctor has warned me all along that this may be the case with Loralai as she and Seraphina are so close together. But after spending a day with some friends that have kids awfully close to her age I went ahead and made the call to Willamette ESD for a consultation. Once I talked to the consultant I didn't feel like such a weirdo for worrying, kids her ages should have a vocabulary of at least 50 words, but most are closer to 100; Loralai has about 20. The first thing they will do is an evaluation, then they will do a hearing test to check her ears (with as many ruptured drums and infections as she's had it won't really surprise me if she has some damage from all the trauma). Once we get the results from the evaluation and the hearing test we will start speech therapy to get her talking a little more. She jabbers so much I'm certain she has TONS to say, and I'm anxious to hear her sentences and such already!

We've officially started the countdown to Kira's 7th birthday. She has the whole thing planned out. She wants to do a normal party with cake and pizza and she wants a Scooby Doo theme, so if you plan on attending make sure you have a Scooby Doo oriented costume. She, of course, will be coming as Daphne ha ha ha. After the party a few select friends will be invited to spend the night. Her first sleep over party, speaking of growing up fast!

Today was  a big day for the Hjelmberg clan. My mom finally graduated college!! We drove up to Portland for her graduation. It was such an honor to be there and watch her walk across that stage. After she received her diploma we took the kiddos out front to hang out while the commencement continued. They were getting pretty antsy cooped up in the coliseum and I was tired of holding legs still. The kids ran around for close to an hour (oh to be young again and have that energy!), Kira and Keag were running races back and forth and Loralai found a very handsome little friend just her age.
There were shared vanilla wafers, hugs, and a hilarious game of tag. There was sunshine and a light breeze. At one point at the end of the ceremony we were all standing out front and I turned around to see a little boy of maybe 3 with his pants around his ankles watering the bushes at the coliseum. I don't remember the last time I've laughed so hard I cried, but that sure did me in! By the time his parents caught up with him he was trying to pull his pants back up. Congratulations Mom, you've had an amazing month!

 

Well, this little Mama is off to bed for the night. We've got a big day tomorrow full of toddler beds and homework!

It's a Love Thang.

Sunday was beautiful. I'm not talking 'bout a glorious sunny Oregon day that was worthy of flip-flops and daisy dukes. I'm talking Beautiful. It was full of laughter, smiles, and a few tears; but so much more laughter that at the end of the day your cheeks were likely to be begging for respite.

Thirty years ago two people came together in a union that would be far more difficult than either could have ever comprehended. There were ups (children, promotions, affection, and buying a house) and then there were the downs (I'd rather not get into those, they're depressing...). There were trials and tribulations; there was sickness, and there was health. There were times when money was easier to find than others, and there were times when I'm certain they both wished death would finally part them. But Sunday, sweet sweet Sunday, came with bells on. Sunday was a celebration of 30 years, and it could not have been sweeter.

I can hardly believe that without these two, Sunday would not have happened. Without Sunday, Saturday would not be a memory that I will cherish for decades. The whole family took some time out from life to enjoy dinner at a local Mexican restaurant  and to celebrate my Grandmothers birthday (pictures and such to come soon hopefully!) I will never forget the sober look on my Granmothers face as she looked at my Aunt Lisa across the table and said, "Lisa, I have something to tell you." Followed by a grave statement of, "I'm pregnant." (Keep in mind my Grandmother is 75). Oh the laughter after she said that. Some things are never going to be forgotten, and that statement never will be. After dinner we went to decorate the reception area and had a few more hours of laughter and fun. Sunday morning was all business. Getting hair done, putting the final touches on the celebration, and pictures that should have been taken 30 years ago. Pictures that included a wedding dress and fedoras instead of blue maternity dresses a tiny reception that could barely be called a celebration.

The house that love built, regardless of how hard it was to keep together.

The vows were perfect. A queens statement of "I do" was met with the the Kings response of "As you wish." With those three simple words a vow was made and a pact was once again sealed. Forever. My mother paused when it was her turn to appear before the court, but she found the courage to walk down an aisle she never got to walk down 30 years ago, and she was radiant the entire way there. 

Forever can never be long enough for me
To feel like I've had long enough with you
Forget the world now, we won't let them see
But there's one thing left to do

Now that the weight has lifted
Love has surely shifted my way

Marry me
Today and every day
Marry me
If I ever get the nerve to say hello in this cafe

Say you will
Say you will

Together can never be close enough for me
To feel like I am close enough to you
You wear white and I'll wear out the words I love you
And you're beautiful

Now that the wait is over
And love and has finally showed her my way

Marry me
Today and every day
Marry me
If I ever get the nerve to say hello in this cafe

Say you will
Say you will

Promise me you'll always be
Happy by my side
I promise to sing to you
When all the music dies

And marry me
Today and everyday
Marry me
If I ever get the nerve to say hello in this cafe

Say you will
Say you will
Marry me

So they were married, again. And it was beautiful.

     


       Louis --->









       Loralai -->

Doing what Seraphina does best. Eating and looking adorable!

 

Cake by yours truly. Trust me, it was amazing!

 

 Happy Anniversary kids! Well deserved!

A Mothers Love ... and a happy Mothers day!

One day out of they year we set time aside to call one of the most important people in our lives. Without this person we would not be here, and many of us would not be who we are. Whether we had the incredible super mom or the mother who was non-existent: she shaped up, formed us, and gave us life. Not every mother on this earth deserves to be celebrated, some mothers have made dire mistakes that have changed a happy loving child into a cruel and selfish adult. Most mothers however deserve this day; they have given their all to their children and expected little, if anything, in return. I was one of the lucky ones, I got the mother that has given me everything at times and she has never expected me to give anything back. I remember calling her one Spring day when I was still in High School convinced I was pregnant and rather than yell and scream at me she remained calm and told me everything would be fine. When I've been racked with sobs and smothered with terror and frustration she's been there. We've had our times when we've wanted to rip each others throats out, but she has always remained a constant figure in my life that I've never been able to let go of.

Likewise I have many figures in my life that I consider mothers. These people did not raise me, they did not nurse me, they did not give me life, but they did help to form who I am today and the person that I was for many years. Today is the day to be thankful to those women in our lives that have given us all we have, and never stop giving. Cora, Donna, Tina, and Mom: I can never thank you enough for teaching me how to be the strong, loving, and independent mother, wife, and woman I am today.

 

  Cause you can't tell we're related or anything Hahahaha

Overall I had a wonderful mothers day. Kris let me stay in bed until noon (yes, NOON!!). Then we spent the day running errands and getting stuff together for my parents big 30 year renewal next weekends. I can't believe it's almost time for the renewal, seems like just yesterday we were planning things. All of the sudden we're buying food and planning rehearsal dinners. It's hard to believe that if two people hadn't met so many years ago because my mother needed to borrow a truck I wouldn't be here, and neither would the three beautiful munchkins that have helped me become the mother I am. I am looking forward to next weekend with a fervour, not just because it's finally a good excuse to wear some AMAZING heels and get my hair done, mostly because we will be celebrating a love that has whethered  so many storms. My parents have been through a LOT over the course of their marriage and they deserve to finally have the wedding they should have had 30 years ago. A small ceremony in a park while you are 6 months pregnant is definitely not what my parents had in mind when they chose to say "I Do". Now they have the chance to do it the way they would have done it the first time around if circumstances had been different. We're gonna have one hell of an ivory gowned, bow-tied, cake-in-your-face kinda wedding; and it's going to be everything they wanted it to be 30 years ago. So while I'm busy prepping food and baking cakes for next weekend there are definitely things that have convinced me that today is in fact a day for celebrating motherhood, and all the delightful little things that come with it.

Television

Not something that happens a lot around here, and when it does it's like magic!

Babies that LOVE going places and are so close they might as well be twins....

Sleeping babies. Seriously. Is there anything more breath-taking??

And finally, babies that unexpectedly crawl up into your lap and give you the cuddling you have been missing for weeks!  Still no luck with the bedtime cuddles, but I'm more than willing to cuddle during naps.

Happy Mothers day to all the mothers out there; especially mine.