Old.

Remember when you were little and you thought 20 was ancient? Then 15 hit and 21 sounded like the best age ever. Soon 21 came and went and 30 was just a few years away. It's a process we can't stop, yet so many of us try to reverse it as much as humanly possible. As I sit here analyzing where I am and where I'm going, I realize that 40 is just a little hop away. Before I know it my children will grow up and move away from home. I will no longer be able to tell them that they can't have candy for breakfast, or that Cookie Crisp is not a nutritionally adequate choice for dinner. Soon I will be a grandmother bouncing babies on my knees again, and through every second of it I will be content. Perhaps I will be more than content. Old doesn't seem as daunting these days as it used to, and it's nice to know that I'm no longer afraid of getting old. Don't get me wrong I'm certainly not looking forward to dentures or depends, but I'm certainly not dreading it like I use to.Old can be beautiful too, just differently.

I am quickly learning that old does not mean frail and decrepit, old can easily translate to lithe and tenacious. It can be both glamorous and daunting, but in no way does it mean that you are incapable or dependent.

Driving through Washington yesterday "old" was really put into perspective.There were so many gorgeous ancient buildings that still stood firm and proud against the afternoon sky. There are so many things to look forward to in aging: wisdom, security, strength, grandchildren. I use to be scared to grow old, now it's something I look forward to with a fervor. Growing old with someone has been a dream of mine for years. I want those matching wooden rocking chairs on a front porch, the kisses that mean more than they did 40 years ago, knowing the smell of a persons cologne from 20 feet away because it's been around so long. I want to know instinctively who's hand is on my shoulder without looking because I've felt that touch for so long. And, eventually, I want to miss someone so terribly I can feel my heart breaking if they pass before I do. I don't want the pain, I simply want the knowledge that I've loved another being that much (besides my littles, cause Lord knows my heart shatters just thinking about that).

I hope that one day my littles learn to appreciate life and love for what it truly is, and learn that you can not take anything for granted. Cherish everyday you have, exalt in every single achievement,and embrace every opportunity you have. Life is unstoppable, you cannot simply choose to pause time or literally re-live a certain moment over and over again whenever you so choose. I hope they relish every moment they have and learn to treasure the moments that have passed. By the time they get to be my age they will likely have all kinds of new gadgets to remember events and new ways to cherish memories, but they can never duplicate the emotion that memories and events bring. So for tonight I will leave you with a memory that I will cherish forever. I will keep it stored away somewhere and someday I will look back on it with a smile on my face and the knowledge that my littles will hopefully love life as much as I do.